Extry, extry! Read all about it!

Scientists have discovered a new element, Hasselhofnium; this new atomic structure opens an entirely new area of atomic potential.

One important aspect of this new material is its dramatic demonstration of the uncertainty principle: while a large atom in common molecules, its outmost electron shell sucks in its gut upon direct examination, making it appear more svelte. Researchers believe this may explain ‘dark matter’, pointing to a tendency of matter even at the smallest scale to attempt to look skinnier than it actually is.

Additional investigation is needed to discover whether the new element has, in fact, gone unnoticed due to the fact that it seems to lose its relevance to its containing molecules over time, losing influence and eventually simply taking up space.

Hasselhofnium has escaped notice until now, due partially to its tendency to appear near the more attention-grabbing silicon, particularly where collected in large, bouncy amounts.

No definite connection has been made regarding its presence and cheeseburgers.